Meet the Hag: Heather

Hag: Heather, Hev, Hey Get Yer Fuckin’ Dogs Off My Lawn

Location: Dallas, Texas. (Ugh. Please kill me.)

What I’ll be bringing to H.A.G.:
My utterly pleasant demeanor, an intense desire to TRAMPLE THE HORDES BENEATH MY HOOVES AND SEE THEIR BLACK BLOOD RUN AMONGST THE BRAMBLES AND BRACKEN…and puppy pics.

When I realized I was a HAG:
Like, birth.

Which horror villain do you feel the strongest connection to and why? The Alien Queen, def. She’s one pissed off, badass bitch, and isn’t afraid to let you know it. *throat-eviscerates you with her nested alien-mouth*

Is there a horror icon you want to meet?
Elvira. She is STILL rockin’ it. Ba-dah-BOOM.

What horror subgenre is your favorite (ex: slasher, haunted house, supernatural)?
Monster horror is at the very tippity-top, for sure. As I’ve aged into a fine-wine hag, I’ve found my interest in the gore-for-gore’s-sake subgenres waning. Pretty much anything else is a top contender: comedy horror, ghosts, sci-fi horror, haunted house, supernatural, paranormal, whatevs.

What scares you? Fucking roaches. OMG, I can girly-scream with the best of them when I see one of the gross bastards. I will not live long in a place where I’ve seen them. Burn it down.

What movie/tv show/book went too far for you and why?
Hmm. Well Baskin, I Spit On Your Grave, and Hostel (#1) made me feel uncomfortable. I’m not interested in pushing that further with Cannibal Holocaust, A Serbian Film, or even The Human Centipede flicks. Done with the gross shit. As far as books, Lessing’s The Fifth Child fucked me up. But, I still highly recommend it. It’s not disgusting or anything. It prolly affected the Mom Hag in me.

What is your most anticipated horror movie?
Oh goody. So, Us just to hit the theater, and it was good! Peele’s Get Out was one-of-a-kind, and this one alllllmost, but not quite, hit the high level set by it. Pet Sematary (So hard to type that, grr.) is another that I’m really excited about. I just started re-reading the novel to prepare. There’s a whole list of badassery coming out this year, and I fucking cannot waaaaaait.

What horror-genre book are you currently reading?
Like I said, I just started Pet Sematary again. The last subgenre I read was more literary horror, I guess, like Shirley Jackson (LOVE her) and Nathan Ballingrud. (You don’t know him yet, but you’re fucking about to.)

This Hag Recommends:

Drink: OMFG, Lindemans Framboise Lambic beer. Your mouth will thank me later.

Book: North American Lake Monsters by Nathan Ballingrud. Your brain will thank me later.

TV Show: Workin’ Moms on Netflix. The characters are filthy-mouthed hags, fo sho. I ❤ them.

Movie: Border, OMFFFG. Triggers abound, but it is glorious. And I don’t use that word lightly where film is concerned. ‘nuf said.

Album: Destrier by Agent Fresco. It’s amazeballs. Iceland is this seemingly glorious, mythical land and all musical artists from there are like magical, sugar-throated sprites.

Comic: The Maxx is the only comic I ever really got into. Clearly, I’m not a Comic Hag. Sue me.

Video Game: Super Mario Maker 2 on Nintendo Switch. It’s not out yet, but my spawn and I are thooper excited about it.

Make-Up: Burt’s Bees, because I’m a natural-ass hag.